Why do Girls go for Jerks?

A few guy friends commented on this. One guy told me that when he was a nice guy, no girl seemed interested. But, when he started acting like a jerk, he was getting attention from the girls. I've heard this before.

This is what I have to say from a female point of view. Women are generally attracted to confident men. I also tend to be attracted to confident, emotionally and physically strong men who make me feel safe, protected, and accepting of me. It could be instinctive, since we naturally expect men to be protectors. Confidence is the first thing women notice in a guy next to his good looks.

Yet, some women do not know how to discern confidence. Girls, especially the naive, inexperienced, foolish ones tend to mistake confidence for jerk behavior.

There is a difference between confident, masculine, strong versus being a self-centered douchebag. There's a difference in being nice, respectful, kind versus being naive, wimpy, or beta.

Secondly, people tend to think in extremes. For women, either she's either an immoral slut or the very naive Snow White type; she's either a passive doormat or extremely aggressive, bitchy type.

Likewise, for guys, you are either the passive wimp or the douchebag, alpha type. Why does it not occur to people that a woman can be strong, intelligent, confident, assertive yet kind, considerate, lady-like, feminine? Likewise, a man can be confident, strong, masculine, lead without being a jerk.

Jeff, a friend of mine, told me that there aren't many good role models for men. The men are either players like James Bond, the players who gets all the chicks (and probably STDs with it) or the dorky, wimpy quiet guy. That is true.

Yet, on the flip side, women too don't have good role models either. I'm tired of self-absorbed, whiny bimbos being in the spotlight while real women who are actually contributing to society are overlooked.

And, our culture tends to have a message towards women that standing up for herself, being choosy about her mates is wrong. I get funny looks from both men and women when I'm choosy about men and refuse to throw myself at every penis interested in me. A woman (and man) has every right to choose whoever she (or he) wants. Believe it or not, I ran into girls who feel guilty about politely turning a guy down. This makes me want to hit my head against the wall. What has the world come to?

There are women out there with self-esteem issues, emotional immaturity, or just dumb. I've known girls who can't stand to be alone and would just settle for any guy, even if he treats her like dirt. Women with low self-esteem would settle and have no standards. Some women gravitate towards jerks or bad relationships, because they tend to thrive on relationship drama, for the sole reason of wanting to draw attention to themselves, want some sort of excitement, because they have nothing else going on in their lame, pathetic lives. These are the kind of girls who have no hobbies, interests, opinions, and their whole self-esteem and identity is from the "relationship." Then, you have girls who always agree with everything you say and some guys are egotistic and stupid enough to go for that, because they want validation for their insecurity, weakness. Um, I'd say be watchful, because she could be passive-aggressive (which means drama). Common sense would tell you that no one can be a doormat for that long and eventually she'd explode—and it's the apocalypse and all over.

I tell my guy friends: stay away from these type of girls. Avoid these women like the plague. I can't stress this enough.

It makes a world of a difference going for a mature woman and likewise being with a mature guy. The best ex-boyfriend I had was a guy who I could be honest with, no games, theatrics and we both were the "straight up, no BS" types. We had some unreconcilable differences and I felt we won't be best for each other in the long run. Being honest, up front was not easy at all. I wish I did a better job at communicating. But, we were able to talk things over and break up like mature adults with minimal drama. We are ADULTS — and want to date and approach relationships like mature adults. There was some bickering, but we broke up in a civilized way, and in fact we still keep in touch occasionally. I still think he's a good guy and will some day make another girl happy. I still respect him, because he is a good guy, mature, respectful, considerate towards others. He's the man!

I also want to say another thing to some guys: so you are intimidated, afraid to be with a mature, intelligent, classy, respectful woman, and would instead go for a clingy doormat or drama queen, because a clingy girl makes you feel more "manly" and like a savior . . . well, then, don't later complain about not meeting quality women. It's your own fault for not being wise, discerning enough to choose. Quit blaming everyone else and the circumstances like a coward, and take charge of your own life like a real man. Likewise, girls do the same thing by choosing losers instead of mature, real men and then complain about not finding quality men.

Secondly, like attracts alike. If you act trashy and like an immature dumbass, don't expect a classy woman in your arms. Have some standards and don't be a man-whore either. I know society has double-standards, but c'mon.

On the side for the girls, you cannot expect a man or anyone else to respect you, if you do not respect yourself. See yourself as valuable, wonderfully made and understand who you are, and value yourself first.

So, here's my take on this:

If I see a jerk, I am repelled. I do not find him attractive at all. I have enough maturity, self-respect and flat out refuse to deal with his BS. In the past, I've been naive and stupid, but I learned my lessons and now wiser. We all make our mistakes, but it's important to get past them, learn, grow and become a better person.

I find alpha males, the guys trying to put on this mask of supposed "manliness" very annoying. Secondly, I have no respect for guys who are conceited, insecure and feel emasculated too easily. I'd interpret this as immaturity and him trying to overcompensate for a lack of it (that is figuratively and otherwise speaking).

All I can say to all my guy friends is simply be your best self and be the best man you can be—for yourself. And, if a girl has an issue with that and wants to settle for less, then she is not worth your time or effort.

I want a guy who I can respect and look at him and think, "What an amazing guy, I'm blessed to have an awesome guy in my life." I do not respect jerks or immature losers. I have respect for a man who is mature, truly confident, knows who he is, intelligent, fun, yet respectful, accepting towards others and good, strong character and intentions. To be realistic, we all have our insecurities, flaws, but the real question is how honest is he about himself and what is he doing to overcome that or improve. That's humility, which is rare these days. And, if I were to meet a guy like that, he'd just have me instantly. I'd be dreaming about him like a hormone-driven thirteen-year-old.